As I’ve been thinking about enjoying my season more and taking advantage of the time I have with my kids, I’m realizing how seriously I take things and how rarely I smile or laugh these days. I take on too much and then I’m busy, stressed, impatient, and even angry mom. I {obviously} don’t want to be that kind of mom. I want my kids’ memories of their childhood to be of projects we did, games we played, songs we sang, books we read.

One time–a while ago, I watched an episode of Supernanny where Jo (“supernanny”) gave the mom the advice that she needed to get down on the floor more and play more and be “silly mommy.”

THAT is hard for me. I get in this rut where I need to do the dishes and fold the laundry and clip coupons and pay the bills and then when I feel like I got enough on my to-do list done, I’m tired and don’t really want to play Candyland (again). And I certainly don’t feel like being “silly mommy.”

And can we address the fact that being silly mommy is really quite embarrassing for me. . . .

I’ve definitely mastered a {not so impressive} skill called “Caring too much about what other people think.”

Why am I embarrassed to be silly mommy? Who REALLY cares anyway? And if they do, does it really MATTER? Isn’t it more important that my kids are happy, that they grow up remembering the fun times I spent with them, and that they are able to laugh at themselves in difficult situations? (Because, let’s just all admit, this mommy thing is difficult and I’m pretty sure more laughter and silliness would help me out.)

So here’s my new goal: Be okay with being SILLY MOMMY.

And here’s a page I made. . .

(Click for credits)

I think it would be good for me to print it and frame it and hang it somewhere to remind me to laugh and play and goof off a little more.

Here’s my {very basic} plan:

• Schedule in play time WITH my kids in our daily routine
• Sing and dance more
• Make a vision board of silly images to serve as a reminder
• Tickle. Every day.
• Learn some jokes. Oh, and TELL them.
• “Slow and steady wins the race.” (Be consistent)

I’m open to advice. Anyone have any for me?

I feel a constant struggle to balance. Husband, kids, school, home, career, church, hobbies, community. Some days I am so exhausted and overwhelmed I hide in my room and cry because I’m not sure what else to do. After lots of sincere prayers as well as talks with family and friends, I’m beginning to see that I really just CAN’T DO IT ALL.

At least not right now. And that’s okay. My daily tasks or level of busyness don’t define my worth–something I’ve been afraid of for a long time.

My wise mother-in-law said, you CAN have it ALL, it just might not be ALL at once. She has shown me an amazing example of raising a successful, happy family, and then have a fulfilling career.

My dear friend confided she was worried about me burning out. She has shown me an amazing example of simplifying life and putting focus on what’s most important.

And so I’m beginning to see that there is a time and season for everything, and for me, this is my season of cuddling my babies.

A season of reading books and catching caterpillars and singing songs.

A season of planning birthday parties.

A season of rare but must-make-meaningful date nights.

A season of breathing through the tantrums and runny noses and messes and remembering that “this too shall pass.”

And most importantly, a season of enjoying where I’m at, because someday I will miss being here.

{Linking to Heavenly Homemakers}

We hit a big milestone around here. Ryan turned five (birthday party details coming soon!) and got his first bike.

Just like with most things in life, once you learn to ride a bike, you forget how complicated the learning process can be, so it was a bit of a surprise to see him struggle to coordinate his leg muscles as he learned to pedal. There were several times I wanted to step in and give him a push. I hated seeing him so frustrated and wanted to make it easier. But something told me to stand back, be patient, and let him figure it out.

I want so badly for my kids’ lives to be easy, happy, healthy, fulfilling. But I also know that’s not how life works and that there must be opposition if we are to appreciate the good. So while watching Ryan struggle has been difficult, I’m beginning to see how rewarded he feels with his successes.

Maybe letting kids accomplish (rather than doing it for them, or pushing too hard) is a way for them to build true self-esteem.

Proud Mommy Moment

For her to stop nursing.

For her to start walking.

For her to loose her chubby baby cheeks.

For her to grow up!

Wishing this baby time lasted longer. . .

Happy 1st Birthday baby girl!

Exactly a year ago we were here…

And then last weekend we were back.

It’s all kind of a blur…and not exactly how we planned to spend our three-day weekend.

On Friday Serity had a mild fever and was a bit fussy throughout the day. Tylenol took care of it and I thought she was just cutting a tooth. But Friday night was rough–she woke up with a fever and didn’t sleep well the rest of the night. Then Saturday morning when she woke she was burning up, breathing heavily, and threw up. Then her whole body started shaking and she was unresponsive. I recognized it as a seizure and we rushed her to the emergency room where they admitted her with a fever of 105.3F.

After ruling out ear infection, flu, RSV, etc. the ER doctor ordered some blood and urine tests and determined she had a urinary tract infection (UTI)–reportedly common in little girls. They got her fever under control, gave her an IV of antibiotics, and then sent us home with instructions to return Sunday and Monday for more doses of the antibiotics.

We’d been home for not more than five minutes when Serity was suddenly feverishly hot again and her body started seizing again–more violently than before. Her hands and feet turned blue and she was unresponsive so we shoved the kids back to the van and sped back to the ER. I got really nervous and started to realize something serious was going on when the doctor and several nurses and paramedics were working to slow her heartbeat down (over 200 BPM), bring her raging fever down (104F), and stop the still-going seizure. That’s also when I got really emotional and had to struggle to keep it together while I called around trying to find someone to come get our other kids. 

Once Seri was stable again the doctor felt she either had a very severe UTI or a kidney infection and it was decided that she needed to be transferred to the children’s hospital about two hours away. Seri was taken to the intensive care unit (ICU) in an ambulance while Jared and I went home, packed bags, got the kids to a friend’s house, and then made the drive to Louisville.

Thankfully she only had to spend one night in the ICU where they continued to manage her fever and pump her with infection-fighting medication. Once she was stable she moved to “the floor” where we stayed until Monday afternoon.

She’s doing well–still fighting mild fevers, still needing to take medicines, still fussy and a bit lethargic–but home. Our voicemail is full of thoughful messages–thank you. Jared is back to work today and I am working to get caught up so I thought it would be a bit easier to give an update here.

We love you baby girl and are so grateful to have you healthy and back home again!

(Feeling better and ready to bust out of this place!)

Mine was pretty busy. And a bit crazy. But nice.

Jared and I spoke in church.

And then I corralled the Primary kiddos as my first week as president. My teachers and counselor (I just have one since we are a small branch) were gone and we had extra visiting kids, so that was fun. haha

Then home and lunch and yoga pants and a snuggle/nap with Seri. And then ice cream and an afternoon chat with the fam.

Jared went to bed earlier than I was ready for, so I ended up spending the late evening hours reading blogs. Isn’t it fun to see what other people’s lives are like? I tend to be a people watcher. . . so blogs are a very nice way to do that in the comfort of my yoga pants.

Hope your day was amazing.

This morning during my cleaning I had Ryan help fold some laundry. His job was the dish towels. After a couple of towels he sighed (as if exhausted) and said, “I don’t want to do laundry anymore. It’s just the same thing over and over.”

I couldn’t help laughing at that one. Sometimes that’s how I feel too. Didn’t I JUST do laundry? Why are there SO many dirty clothes?

Speaking of laundry. This is the space in our house where a washer and dryer should go.

But we don’t have one. And so I pile junk there instead. Not having a washer and dryer is a major challenge for me with the laundry of three little kids, but we manage with a weekly trip to the laundromat. Three years ago we sold our house so my husband could go back to graduate school and the washer and dryer went with it. We opted to just use the laundromat while we were living in our small college campus apartment and planned to get one after graduation. But we still haven’t, six months later.  Unexpected expenses keep coming up now that we are back in “real life,” soooo, we continue to visit the laundromat.

I took a picture of the washer and dryer space to motivate me to participate in the 28 Day Organizing Challenge. Maybe I’ll get that space cleaned up and we’ll get a  washer and dryer to fill it! *crossing my fingers* You think it doesn’t look that bad? Well, you notice I didn’t show you the other side of the room. LOL. Accountability, my friends. But I’m not ready to strip down to my underwear just yet!

I love finding scenes like this thoughout the day:

Just little reminders of my kids at play and how their imaginations are developing .