31 Days: Love Your Spouse

I’ve heard it said, the best thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse. And so before we even get to kids and parenting, I thought we should talk for a minute about husbands and that this would be a good “day one” post.

Thankfully, amazingly, I have an incrediblely supportive husband and I don’t have to go at this parenting adventure alone. We’ve been married for 10 years and there have been lots and lots of ups and downs in those 10 years. But we’re still here, still going strong, and plan to keep it that way.

Let’s be honest though. If parenting wasn’t the hardest job on my list, it would be marriage. And as much as I love that boy, he can drive me insanely crazy. That’s when I tend to get super cranky and witchy and take everything hormonal out on him. Not my proudest moments.

While we’re definitely not perfect, we try. Really hard. And so kicking off this 31 days of intentional parenting series, I’ll sharing a few things that have helped Jared and I stay strong together as partners and as parents, despite the rocky moments.

Nightly “5-minute talks”

We don’t set a timer or anything, so sometimes it’s more or less than five, but the idea is that we have a time set aside every day to each take “five minutes” to talk about whatever is on our minds. Sometimes it’s an issue that needs to be addressed, many times it’s a parenting concern/frustration, other times it’s just chatting about our day. But the main point is that we know if we have a problem that needs to be talked about, that’s the safe time to do it.

So if I’m annoyed that Jared didn’t take the garbage out before he left for work (or whatever), instead of holding a grudge or letting it build up with a million other little things until I explode and hate his guts for “not helping out” (ahem, not that I’ve ever done that), I know that I can just mention it in our talk later.

This is not to say that every little thing always needs to be brought up. Learn to pick your battles, let things go, and forgive. But do talk. For us, a little bit of preventive communication (5 minutes a day!) goes a long way in curbing the big blowups and helps us understand each other better.

Daily Scripture Study and Prayer

Along with taking time to communicate, we read and pray together every night before we go to bed. I know that the simple act brings the Spirit to our home and helps us communicate better about each other’s needs and our children’s needs.

Regular Date Nights

I’m always so jealous of couples who live close to family, as it’s not a luxury Jared and I have had our entire marriage. It’s made having regular (free) babysitters for date nights impossible. But we still make “dating” a priority.

Of course we love, love, love the occassional night out without the kids, and sometimes dream about the days the kids will be old enough that we can go away for a weekend, but for now, most of our dates are at home, after the kids have gone to bed.

Even though we are at home, it’s still important to make those times special. Simple things like changing out of the yoga pants, touching up the make-up, and spritzing some perfume help me move out of mommy-mode and into wife-mode.

When we’re at home, most often we make dessert together, play a game, rent a movie, do a project, or read a book. Times like these are like the icing on the Mini Wheats for me. I look forward to date night all week, and it helps me keep going when I’m frustrated and not sure I can keep up with my job as a mom. Even in the craziness of kiddos, I think it’s important to spend time with your spouse, get to know each other all over again, and remember why you love each other because someday the kids will be gone, but you’ll still have each other.

What about you? How do you stay close to your husband? I’d love to know your secrets!!