When Jared and I were in college and newly dating he planned this really great surprise and showed up at my apartment early one Saturday morning to take me there. My roommates and I were abruptly woken by a knock and when I opened the door to a freshly-showered boy wanting to take me out for breakfast, I was. . . less than thrilled. In fact I shrieked and slammed the door! I was definitely not at a point in our fresh relationship that I wanted this cute boy to see me in my pajamas and with no makeup.
I did open the door again, curious to see what he wanted since my morning breath had already been exposed. And slickly dressed Jared did then take bed-head Pam to the top of the football stadium bleachers for a bowl of Cheerios and to talk while we watched the sunrise.
Cute, right?
I was a poor sport about it the.whole.time. In fact, I was grumpy, self-conscious, and a major downer all morning. {Frankly, it’s a wonder he even asked me out again.}
My point in sharing this somewhat-embarrassing story is that while talking at the top of the stadium is a totally creative, inexpensive, thoughtful date, it’s not my love language, and so at that time I couldn’t appreciate it and didn’t give him the credit he deserved for planning a surprise for me.
For the February giveaway I wondered, how do YOU show love?
I wondered this because I’ve been re-reading The 5 Love Languages to fulfill my “read at least one book a month for ME” goal. And it’s neat to learn all the different ways we give and receive love, and even more interesting to realize you can pour your heart into loving someone, but if it’s not in their love language, they may not realize or appreciate or even FEEL that love.
Jared poured love into planning that date for me, but I didn’t recognize the love language and not only did I not feel loved, I was annoyed. And my immature reaction left him feeling unloved too.
My love language is doing things (“acts of service”). It fills my tank when Jared does the dishes, or bathes the kids, or hangs picture frames for me. Jared’s love language is talking (“words of affirmation”) and “quality time”–just shootin’ the breeze over a bowl of ice cream.
Recognizing that we have different love languages has made a big difference in our marriage.
What about you? Do you know your love language?
I read this book over a year ago and truly enjoyed it. The ladies at my church are beginning a book study tonight on this very book! As a recent widow I was trying to find an excuse to not attend but after reading your post, I realize that God is intervening and saying I need to attend tonight. Thank you for reminding me and unconsciously reminding me that it’s still very important for me!
[Reply]
pameladonnis Reply:
March 2nd, 2012 at 2:02 pm
@Kirsten, Oh, Kirsten. I can definitely see why you would want to avoid going. ((hugs))
I’d love to hear how it went. . . did you decide to attend?
[Reply]
Kirsten Reply:
March 5th, 2012 at 3:27 pm
@pameladonnis, I had so wanted to go last week but life got in the way! It’s extremely difficult to commit another night of the week where you won’t be home. We have something every night lately, plus we were going out of town for the weekend. It’s hard when you feel pulled in so many directions and feel like you don’t ever give your full attention to anyone. This was just one of those things that had to go to the side for a while. I’m hoping things will slow down at night. I’m such a dreamer! But you have to have dreams otherwise, how will you know if you’ve accomplished anything?
[Reply]
I think we would make such great friends. : ) Joel and I read the Five Love Languages while we were dating, and I thought it was great, but Joel hated it. He said all it did was increase his expectations (i.e. now that *I* knew what made him feel loved, I should be doing it, and apparently I wasn’t!) without enhancing our relationship.
My love language is quality time, and his is Acts of service. Guess what ranks at the bottom of each of our lists? You guessed it, the other’s love language! So when he takes the time to be with me, it means extra bunches to me.
[Reply]
pameladonnis Reply:
March 2nd, 2012 at 1:59 pm
@Kellie, Kellie! We are friends
.
That’s the exact same for us. It’s SOOO hard for me to remember to just sit and chat or cuddle and watch a movie with Jared (his favorite things ever!) because it’s at the very bottom of my love language.
[Reply]
This is something I struggle with daily. Dylan’s love language are words of encouragement and mine are acts of service. We are both working on making each other feel loved. Thanks for sharing your silly story.
[Reply]
pameladonnis Reply:
March 2nd, 2012 at 2:00 pm
@Mollie, It’s a struggle for me too. It seems so simple, but when you don’t naturally speak the other’s love language, it IS really hard to remember!
[Reply]
My husband and I are doing the “Love Language Challenge” online so although we’d heard about it before, we’re just getting our toes wet. We are sent conversation starters on our phones, and he said when he got his the other night (at the fire station with the guys) he laughed out loud. It was a question about, “What memory do you have where you wish you’d had a camera with you?” I ALWAYS have my camera out taking pictures, drives the whole family bananas.
Thanks for sharing your date story. Sounds like something Paul would do, and I would be grumpy about. I have the love language book, I guess it’s time to actually READ it because I don’t really get it!
[Reply]