Our family always gets a lot of looks when we go out. I’m sure it’s because our kids are so strikingly adorable that people can’t help but stare(!), but in all reality it’s probably because Jared and I both look too young to have four kids. And as if looking too young to have four kids didn’t attract enough attention, add breastfeeding to the mixture, and I become a one-woman freak show.
It’s one of the things that surprised me the most when we moved here because where I grew up, large families, stay-at-home moms, baking bread, scrapbooking, and breastfeeding were all normal–and not at all granola. We called it “family -centered” and “homemaking” and “self-reliance.” And, I don’t know, I’d kinda like to think I’m still a cute, hip(ish?) mom even though I have a brood of babies, make jam, clip coupons, and aspire to make dinner most nights.
So imagine my surprise when Lydia was born and my doctor and nurses were amazed that I was planning to breastfeed instead of starting her out on a bottle. That I had nursed my other three babies as well, that Lyddie latched right away, and that I fervently pumped to keep my milk supply while they had her on formula during her extended hospital stay.
It kinda seemed weird to me that I was the weird one because I thought studies were saying [when possible] “breast is best.”
Then, imagine my further surprise when a few weeks later I got a call from a nutritionist. They were looking for a “peer counselor,” preferably an “experienced” mom to serve as a testimony and an encouragement to new or hesitant moms. And would I be interested?
Hmmm. Guess being weird and standing out sometimes has it’s benefits?
So this week I’m attending a training so that if a struggling new mom needs someone to talk to–I can be a resource. I’m excited to attend the training, even if it does mean that it’s just to get a few days off housework!
Since I am, as they say, “experienced,” I’ll be the first to say breastfeeding isn’t always a slice of pie, and so this post definitely isn’t meant to preach one way or the other. Bottles and formula were invented for a reason, and by all means, if that’s works best for YOU, use them. Personally, I’ve had good success with nursing, and it’s been my preferred choice for my babies. But I know it’s not always possible, and I’ve also had struggles with poor latch and cracked nipples and low milk supply, so I hope my perspective of with both sides will be able to aid someone else.
My recent survey (if you haven’t taken it, there’s still time!!) showed the majority of my readers are moms with young kids. So I’m curious to know, what were/are your experiences with feeding your babies? Did you try breastfeeding? Why or why not? What challenges or triumphs did you have?
Let’s respectfully discuss.
Congrats, Pam – that’s pretty awesome!
I’m a breast girl, myself – and nursed my first born til he was almost 2 when we finally stopped the bedtime nursing.
My 2nd, however, was a failure to thrive baby who was born at 37 weeks, but was ‘preemie’ in every respect, and we tried and tried and tried to keep him nursing, but he just couldn’t. I don’t respond to a machine, and no amount of pumping could keep my supply up once we switched him to bottles. I could supply a continent when I have a baby making demands, but strap me to a machine, and I dried up fast . I was heartbroken because I intended to pump for his first year or so.
So I’ve experienced both sides, and I still firmly believe breast is best.
Good luck to you!
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 3:39 pm
@Darcy@Somewhatmuddledmusings, I’m the same way, hook me up to a machine, and my body doesn’t like to cooperate.
That’s awesome that you nursed until almost 2! The longest I’ve gone was 12 months (switched to whole milk and they were done!), but I have a secret (or not so secret anymore!) hope to go longer with Lyddie.
Thanks for sharing your story!!
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Agree completely and good luck to you with the peer support role, that’s a fab thing to do. I don’t like that it all seems to be so apologetic. I believe in Scandinavia they have bf rates in the high 90%s – because bf is ‘normal’ and formula is only if there is a real problem – preemies, cleft palette etc where the supply can’t be maintained. I know that it can be hard, I’ve had cracked nipples, blocked ducts, mastitis (yuck!) but with support these things can be sorted out. We’re definitely a little short on support here. General attitudes are getting better here I think, although I have moved since I had my babies and it’s definitely a bit more ‘granola’ here
. I know I got some funny looks if I was bf in public. And I was very discreet! I only regret that I stopped bf’ing at 6 months with both of my babies, because I didn’t know better at the time.
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 3:41 pm
@Jude, That’s what I’m hoping, is that with more support–especially peer support, attitudes will change. Yikes on the mastitis! Gratefully I’ve never had that.
Thanks for sharing your experience!!
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I breastfed both of my babies, and it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t want to. It’s free for one thing, and it’s much easier than making a bottle. The only benefit I could see to bottle feeding would be that my husband would be able to feed him, but my husband works and I stay home, so I would still be up in the middle of the night. I love the closeness, the ease, the intimacy; I will be very sad if I am not able to nurse the baby in my belly. I nursed till about 18 months, but I live in Asia, where it’s not uncommon for 3 year olds to still be nursing. And I definitely don’t feel very crunchy for it!
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 3:43 pm
@Kellie, I’m the same, I never thought of NOT BFing–it was just something I always planned to do. Your situation is a lot like mine, and it just makes sense since I’m also at home.
I’m so excited for you and that new baby girl!!
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I breastfed my daughter until 11 months. I wanted to go at least a year but my supply just grew very low and pumping couldn’t get it back up. I loved it and will totally do it again for my other children. There are definitely people out there that are uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public but what did woman do up until the last 100 years… breastfeed! There were no other options right? I found the more comfortable I was with it all the better. If I nursed [discreetly] in public but was worried the whole time that I was offending someone (what?!) then I noticed lots of mean looks. As time went on and I learned to relax and see the pure beauty in being able to provide nourishment for my baby I hardly noticed others around me. My daughter wouldn’t take a bottle anyway and I worked part time so I’d nurse her before dropping her off at my friends house in the morning and again at lunch when I was done and she just “knew” that was the one 4 hour stretch to do and never was fussy about it.
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 3:46 pm
@Julie Wright, 11 months is pretty darn close to a year!! I agree, the more comfortable I am, the more comfortable other people seem to be. I think that comfortable attitude is what will hopefully help make a difference for these new moms that I’ll be working with.
Thanks for sharing your story!!
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Nursed both of mine for 13 months. Only stopped because of health reasons and doc recommended it. (4 months pregnant with second and was low on energy, and had to have cyst removed so needed anesthesia).
This was back in the 90s. In MD, where we live in a sort-of crunchy granola area. : )
Nursed in public, not as discretely as I had thought. Better with the first. But really hard to nurse an infant in the mall with an 18 month old trying to get out of his stroller because he couldn’t wait any more. But I felt it was more tolerated then. A couple of times, I actually had older women (maybe 60s) sit down on the bench with me to occupy my son so I could finish. They said they had wished they were gutsy enough to BF their kids, but everyone bottle fed back then. I tried to do that myself recently, but I think it freaked out the mom who was nursing because we all think about baby-snatching now. She did not appreciate me talking to her older child. Such a shame; I think moms could have such a good community and help each other out.
- Mom of two teenagers, who wished the internet and blogging was this popular back when my kids were little and I needed these tips.
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 3:48 pm
@Karen, That’s awesome that older women would sit and try to help and support you. I agree, we all need each other and can offer so much support to each other.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
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Well, I got my picture taken and posted at my local WIC office for a breastfeeding poster, myself and three of my four kids (fourth wasn’t with me that day). So, I guess you can say that I’m a breast person.
Honestly, for me, it’s more cuz I’m cheap and lazy than anything else, lol. And I’ve definitely evolved a bit. With my first, I went back to work at 6 weeks pp. I didn’t want to pump AT ALL, so my plan was to nurse at home and during my lunch (daycare was close by) and give bottles while I was away. Well, following popular advice, I waited until she was six weeks to give her a bottle. Imagine my surprise when she refused the bottle!! And angst as she was going to daycare that Monday. Well, we had some rough weeks with her basically starving until I could come and nurse her. THEN, one day we finally got her to take a bottle. Guess what? She loved it so much she refused to nurse. And I was so frustrated with her by that point that I just let it go. So, I nursed her for fifteen weeks.
Baby #2, same situation, but this time I determined to pump. I also have him a bottle at one week. We had no troubles switching back and forth and I did it for 6 months.
Baby #3 I was a SAHM, so it was very easy and I nursed for 18 months. I did have a yucky case of thrush, so that was painful, but I had no money for formula and didn’t know about WIC at the time so I got meds and pushed through.
Baby #4 was a breeze and I nursed for 15 months.
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 3:52 pm
@Jennifer, Wow, a WIC poster family!! That’s awesome! Isn’t it crazy how different each baby can be? It definitely seems like the more experience we have as moms, the more comfortable and confident we become though. I had lots of trouble with my first baby, but I really think it’s because I was listening so much to everyone else (like you did, following the advice of the bottles), instead of following my baby’s cues.
Thanks for sharing your stories!
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Here in Portugal it’s completely natural to breastfeed. It’s the best for the babies. I’m not a mom yet but everyone in my family was breast feed and when I have babies I’ll do it too.
Congrats on being weird I guess…
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 3:54 pm
@Leonor, LOL, I know, remember in high school when we just wanted to fit in? Now I think it’s cool to stand out and be “weird!” I think when you have experience in your family with BFing, it’s probably more likely that you will too. That was the same for me–my mom nursed 8 kids, so I just assumed I would (and did) too.
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You are going to impacting the lives of moms and babies. How awesome is that! I might chime in later with my own breastfeeding stories – I think the more that you can hear other women’s stories the more you can support those you come in contact with. However, I just wanted take a minute now to say – you are awesome! Your willingness to take on this additional task when you have so much already on your plate is inspiring.
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 3:55 pm
@Christy, Aww, thanks, Christy. Please do share your stories if you feel comfortable.
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Pam, I’m not one of your readers with kids (yet). I’m headed to medical school this fall at the age of 26, so babies are on hold for another 2-5 years. Hopefully 2! I read your blog to vicariously live through your life of babies and mothering. I admire your desire to breastfeed and I will definitely be trying to breastfeed my babies as long as I humanly can (hopefully at least 8-12 months). It’s very exciting that you are taking on a leadership role to help other women! So wonderful!
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 4:06 pm
@Elaine, Thanks for following my blog, Elaine. That means so much to me. I learned that statistically, the earlier on a mom decides to BF, the longer she typically does, so deciding you want to breastfeed your future babies is already setting you up for success!!
GOOD LUCK on medical school! That’s so exciting!
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How I grew up – I didn’t know anyone who breastfed and it didn’t feel natural to me… I did try with my kiddo because my hubby asked if i would give it a go – the research on that breastfeeding helps against breast cancer, which is I’m a huge risk for. It was not easy for me… my son hated it and never latched on properly and I pumped as long as I could, but I never produced much and just had a nervous breakdown because I couldn’t do it. I respect those that want to and do breastfeed and I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to say one or way or another. In my case, I was made to feel horrible by the hospital and breastfeeding people because I couldn’t do it…
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 4:09 pm
@rebecca, Ugh, that’s awful that you felt unsupported in the hospital! I think it’s great that you were open to trying and wish they would have respected your feelings more. Thanks for sharing your experience!
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I am mad at the doctor and nurses who were surprised that you were planning on breastfeeding. I won’t even go there.
But I’m too cheap and lazy to do the bottle. My milk always dries up around 6 months, and I cry for days when that happens. Scratch that…I cried for a week back in October because I nursed my last baby for the last time. I was an emotional wreck.
Anyway! Glad you are able to be an experienced resource for new moms. That’s awesome!
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 4:11 pm
@Mandy, I’m too cheap for formula too! lol
I know what you mean about being an emotional wreck though–my milk dried up at 8 and 9 months with my first two, and it was really hard on me. I was able to go to 12 with my third, so we’ll see what happens this fourth time around!
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I’m a nursing mom as well. Baby number one was a really rough start, but got through it and ended up nursing her for 15 months. Baby number two was a little better start but not much, then he weaned himself at 9 months I was so sad, not ready to give it up. Now I have a three month old and nursing him as well, this time nursing was smooth sailing. I wouldn’t switch to a bottle for anything. I love the time I get to spend with the baby. Hopefully you can be a motivator to someone that is great.
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 4:13 pm
@Hilary Richards, I love the time to spend with my babies too. Honestly, sometimes I get so busy that I selfishly WANT to nurse just for the excuse to sit and snuggle. Hopefully the third time around will continue to be smooth sailing for you!!
Thanks for sharing!
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Thought I’d post this on here as well as on fb…
I breasted both my boys. Even tandem fed them for a few months when my second baby arrived (now that got some comments! Luckily for me and my friends in our mothers group it was very supportive.
All 10 of us breast-fed to start with with only one ending up having to comp feed, then ended up using formula as her supply just would not work, had problems expressing and the baby wouldn’t gain wait…since then with her second daughter complete opposite and wouldn’t take a bottle when she had to go back to work. We supported her through both situations as they both difficult and stressful… that’s what friends should do.. I feel sad when I hear others haven’t had a supportive network whatever their feeding situation..
Our community seems to be the opposite with a lot of people breast feeding at least that first year and its common to be a bit longer (I fed my toddlers when they were tired, sick or in pain til they were 2-3 but it was something we chose as a family).
I’m sure all the new mums could do with a mentor… Especially when you’ve got it working(and it can be tough sometimes but it helps to have someone to turn to ask that silly question which really isn’t that silly).
I found overall; it to be easy(still have mastitis a few times and cracks etc ), So convenient and cheap… Just feed the mummy!
Good luck. It’s such a beautiful bonding experience too.. But I’m sure feeding your baby is lovely how ever you do it breast or bottle…them just looking up at you adoringly. I loved it and my boys did too.
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 4:17 pm
@libbywilko, A support group is DEFINITELY helpful. When I had my first baby I had a group of friends I got together with once a week for a playgroup, and they all nursed, and so it was totally normal and comfortable for me to do so too. And they were really supportive of me if any problems did come up. I agree with you, that’s what friends should do–whatever your decision is.
Thanks for sharing!!
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First of all, hooray for you!
Though I didn’t feel at all supported (by my parents – my mother bottle-fed her 4 – or friends) I breastfed my daughter for several months (my husband, however was supportive). With my second child, I am sad to say I caved to the pressure and bottle fed him after just 3 weeks. It is a great regret. My milk supply was plentiful and I do believe its best. Wish I’d had a better support system and been more self-assured. If I had to do it over, under the same circumstances, I would have sought the support I needed.
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 4:20 pm
@Julie, That’s definitely hard when you don’t have support, especially if it’s parents. I think I would have probably caved to pressure too. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
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I successfully breast-fed my 6 children.
Each time I got mastitis. It was horrible, but I persevered and learned a little more each experience.
Finally I linked it with my overachieving-supermom mentality and learned that I needed more rest, water and less stress (even though I argued that I wasn’t stressed and I got plenty of rest)
Breast is best and it leads to better nutritional choices later in life IF the milk-momma is also watching her nutrition. What goes in must come out and it does process into the milk.
Be careful moms what you eat and remember to take time to enjoy each child when they are tiny–they grow so fast!
Cathryn
mom to ages 25, 19, 16, 15, 13, 11 grandma to ages 3, 2 and soon to be born! (also breast fed babies!)
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pameladonnis Reply:
January 27th, 2012 at 4:23 pm
@The Farrm, Oh, mastitis each time? That’s amazing that you continued to stick with it!
Good tips on nutrition. That can be SOOO hard. But I also find that knowing my baby is getting whatever I put into my body helps me make better choices.
Thanks for sharing your experience!!
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I nursed both my kiddos, but with my first I had a lot of problems. It took almost 2 weeks for him to finally figure out how to latch and I nearly threw in the towel before he got the hang of it. Then I made enough milk to feed triplets because we was such a milk guzzler, and that caused sore, aching breasts and plugged ducts for months. When he started taking solid food around 6 months I weaned him to a bottle because my body couldn’t handle all the milk I was making. He made the switch just fine, and it was the right decision for us at the time.
With my second child, bfing was (almost) textbook perfect. She latched right away, I made just the right amount of milk for her and I both, and it was great… until we caught thrush. THAT is awful, let me tell you. We tried every cream/pill/herbal remedy for over 4 months but we kept passing it back and forth. It was very painful for me, but I finally gave up trying to fix it and just decided to live with it. A lot of my friends and even my dr. suggested weaning, but knowing how good breastmilk is for babies, and how much I loved that special bond kept me going. The thrush cleared up on it’s own after about 5 months, and everything was great after that. I tried to get her to take a botlle (with breastmilk) when she was about 8 weeks old and she refused. She never, ever took a bottle or pacifier even though we literally tried every one on the market. So even though I enjoyed and wanted to bf it was also the only option for us, haha. When I gave her a sip of whole milk when she was a year old though, she was done with me – I think I could only get her to nurse a handful of times after that. I was so sad to be done, thinking that she would be my last child and I might never have another chance… so I am WAY excited to be having another baby and get to bf again!!
One of my good friends here just had her 2nd child. She had no luck bfing her first and wasn’t really even going to try with this one. But I encouraged her to try, and she said she would. It was a difficult start for her, and she almost quit on a few occasions, but I helped and coached her and she and baby Alice finally figured it out. Alice is about 3 months old now and my friend is SO glad that she stuck it out and is able to nurse her exclusively now.
I’m glad that they asked you to be a mentor and a resource – you will be so great at that. Good luck and hope to see you all in a few months! 
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I’m glad you’ll be helping support others in this – it really is so important.
I breastfed both my two – the first for a year or so (I actually don’t remember exactly – eek! Will have to look it up) and the second for 18 months. The first time was VERY hard at first – latching problems, and a cracked nipple (but Lansinoh really helped with that!) – but I’m so glad we kept at it.
The one thing I’ll add to everyone else’s comments – is enjoy it while you can! I never thought that my second would be my last time (it’s not impossible there’ll be more, but it’s looking less and less likely after 7 years), and I know sometimes medical situations suddenly happen that require weaning. So savor this special time!
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