You may know, a few hours a week I get the chance to meet with pregnant moms and talk about breastfeeding. I share my own experiences (good and bad) with nursing, and give some science-backed reasons why breastfeeding might be a good option for their soon-to-be-born babes. I get to be their cheerleading coach–presenting the ideal, and then working through concerns or challenges that may arise.
{The “business card” I give to out with my contact info}
Last week I was talking to a brand-new first time mom who desperately wants to nurse her baby, but is struggling. For her–at this point–formula may be the route she needs to take, and she was upset. I mean, “good” moms give their babies the “best” nutrition, right?
I definitely wanted to help her sort through the troubles she was having so that she could continue to nurse–if possible. But here’s the thought I shared with her:
“Good” moms feed their babies.
Motherhood is hard–definitely the hardest job I’ve ever had. And we–moms–can be so judgmental of each other. Especially when you throw Facebook and Pinterest and blogging into the picture–that bar for being a “good” mom is set so high.
And what, really, defines a “good” mom?
I like to claim I’m creative and artistic and plan super fun things to do with my kids. And some days I am so busy being {a freaking awesome} mom that the dishes sit until the kitchen stinks and I may not return your phone call in a timely manner.
But there are other days when I’m so busy keeping up with the day-to-day that I’m a mediocre mom who gives her kids boxed macaroni for the third meal in a row.
My days often start with the great intentions of exercizing, being silly mommy, keeping the house clean, working on my scrapbook, writing Pin-worthy blog tutorials, and planning a fantastic family home evenings. Some days those things happen. But other days, the toilets don’t get cleaned again, dinnertime means rummaging around the freezer, and my coveted creative and artistic time is filled with homework, tantrums, church callings, spilled milk, and playgroups.
You know, there’s only so much we can do.
This may be a little bit of gospel according to Pam, but based on my personal experiences, I think those unrealistic expectations of what a “good” mom looks like can quickly send us into a spiral of depression.
So here’s my thought for the day. It may only be as good as free, but I say–hang up your supermom cape, and just be a good mom.
A good mom who feeds her babies, gives hugs and kisses, sees that her kids get an education, disciplines, and knows she can’t do it all.
What do you think defines a “good” mom?
Sounds good to me Pam
[Reply]
You are so right! There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a good mom – what that means to each particular person is a little different, but just as valid as the next person’s definition of *good*. Kudos to you for supporting new moms. We could all use more support and lifting up from family, friends and neighbors.
These are the words of a British psychologists who developed the concept of the good-enough-mother:
A mother is neither good nor bad nor the product of illusion, but is a separate and independent entity: The good-enough mother .. starts off with an almost complete adaptation to her infant’s needs, and as time proceeds she adapts less and less completely, gradually, according to the infant’s growing ability to deal with her failure. Her failure to adapt to every need of the child helps them adapt to external realities. – Donald Winnicott
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pameladonnis Reply:
October 3rd, 2012 at 1:24 am
What a great quote!! Thank you for sharing.
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I struggle almost every day with this. I feel so stretched thin at times. I’ve got the oldest at the piano needing help with her practice. The middle is in my lap trying to do her reading practice for the day. The baby SHOULD be in my lap and loving the story (at least, he’s SUPPOSED to be doing that!) but instead he’s back and forth with screaming at me for attention and swinging the broom around. Then he dumps everything out of every container he can find. What’s a mom to do?! Thanks for the reminder that I”m not alone in this…and that I can’t do it all ALL THE TIME.
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pameladonnis Reply:
October 3rd, 2012 at 1:23 am
Are you sure you’re not a fly on my wall?
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