Living the Dream

Jared and I were fresh out of college with a new baby when we jumped on the house-buying bandwagon—purchasing a construction-phase “starter” home in a trendy part of town. The mortgage payments stretched past our means, but it was a “good deal” for a new house, and I craved the prospect of “settling”—expecting a house would establish us and fulfill my insecurities. Jared, my adoring husband, supported me and worked hard to provide— aiming to make his young wife happy.

Shortly after we moved into the new house a visitor longingly said to Jared, “You’re living the dream, man. You’re living the dream.”

To be honest, I mentally patted myself on the back, for in my mind, we were living a dream. And in my mind we deserved it. I felt entitled to a reward after having worked so hard. I was a college graduate; had married a loving and committed man; had an adorable blue-eyed, blond-haired baby boy; and now had a new granite-countertopped home to meticulously decorate. What more could I want?

Jared left for work at 5am while I stayed home with my baby and my hobbies. I was bored and lonely and sad, but since I had painted myself the perfect image, I put a smile on my face and continued to pat myself on the back for my job well done. I mean, what did I have to complain about? We were living the dream!

Life has a way of smacking us down when we forget to show gratitude to the One who gives us everything. Truly, our plan isn’t always THE plan, especially when we give ourselves the glory.

I learned that the hard way.

While the housing market was rising, the economy was falling and six months after purchasing the house, Jared’s “stable” job ended. 

There was a minute of panic before we began to make a new plan and we spent a lot of time on our knees, pondering the next step. Considering a new plan meant re-evaluating our priorities, and for me, meant reflecting on my motives and intentions. It was time for me to ask myself, what really matters? Who are you trying to impress? What are you trying to “keep up” with? WHY are you trying to keep up with them? What makes you so entitled? Why do you deserve anything?

Although Jared’s previous job had paid well, he was miserable in the line of work so we had a candid conversation one night–discussing our options.

“What’s your DREAM job?” I asked.

And then it clear to us he needed to go back to school. And there was the realization we needed to let the house go. The decisions came suddenly, unexpectedly, and within days our brand-new house was for sale {in the terribly slow market} and we were we applying to graduate schools. We made a new vision board, and continued to pray. Hard.

I cried. A lot. I grieved for my beautiful cranberry-painted kitchen, plush-carpeted craft room, and loss of the dream. Having grown up with financial instability, I was determined my own family would never experience it, and the house spelled security and status in my young mind.

It took a lot of humble prayer before I finally felt peace about selling the house. That’s when I realized it was JUST a house, not our HOME and it was more important that we were together. I exercised difficult-for-me trust in my husband when he promised there would be another house when the timing was right.  And so the “dream” was not extinguished, just put on hold.

Luckily, Miraculously, Gratefully, the house sold seven weeks after putting it up for sale—just as were learning Jared had been accepted to our first-choice graduate school and that we were going to have another (surprise!) baby.

(to be continued. . .)

Truly, HIS plan is always better than our plan. I’ve been trying to remember that He does have a plan (though unknown to me) as I’ve pondered our “prospering” dreams this year.